Saturday, August 1, 2015

Forever Lying (Flashback)

If age twelve is known as the "age of consciousness" then the teenage years must be known as the "age of angst," followed by - if you're fortunate enough -  the "turbulent twenties." The July/August issue of Poetry magazine features a segment on this "angst" with essays, artwork, and poetry submitted by "self-proclaimed angsty teens."

The following is a poem I wrote and luckily saved from my senior year in high school. Long story short, a seventeen-year-old boy falling hard for a girl, already taken, only to have his heart broken and act as if it was the end of the world and for some strange reason turned to writing to express this.

I remember reciting this poem at a poetry reading at the old Cafe Revolucion spot on El Paso street to an audience with uneasy looks on their faces, the tired rolling of their eyes delivering the message of "get over it, kid." Thank God other high schoolers were present to share in my sorrow and help me to cope. Break-ups to make-ups, as we said.

Forever Lying (Written May 2004)

Forever lying next to you.
You, by the side of my dreams.
Yet as real as it seems I will not
believe it.
Only you so perceive it
as an incogitant gesture of playing this game.
Oh, what's in a name?
Actions, I'm able to condone.
For a year I've known.
For a year she's shown,
what I've missed.
Now, forever lying,
not side by side,
but forever lying to me about what she feels inside.
With someone's heart at stake
I made the mistake and have forgotten
that this was all just a game
for two.

For the two I was playing with became one.

In this game for fun
it was me
who fell for it all.